GNM: Chapter 11
30 March 2010 02:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dragonfly11
Sam did hang on—for what it was worth. Lying in his brothers arms in the back seat of the Impala, Sam weakly fisted the leather jacket in his hands, tears lazily streaming from his tired, pain-filled eyes as they reflected the moonlight they chased.
“Sammy, just hang on...”
It wasn’t ‘Sam’ or ‘Sammy’ anymore. Not in Dean’s mind. Both were his brother. The boy and the man. And he was dying.
After barely escaping the Vetus’ lair before it collapsed, Sam had suffered another seizure and this one had left him unconscious and Dean beside himself for over twelve hours. Twelve. Sam was finally semi-awake now, but Dean was no less anxious.
Since Sam opened his eyes, he had stopped breathing more times than Dean dared to count. However briefly, every time his lungs seized without warning, Dean feared it would be the last. Sam was so weak, it was getting harder for him to reclaim breath and harder still for him to recover from losing it. He no longer even had the strength to reach for his normal anchor—Dean’s necklace, so he clutched at the leather that enveloped him.
It had taken eighteen hours pushing it to get to the Vetus’ lair.
“How’s he doing?”
“Drive faster.”
It would take Missouri just over sixteen to get back.
“Bobby?” Dean called, eyes never straying from his brother’s.
“I’ll live,” the injured and recently conscious again mumbled. Whether it was the concussion and large gash in his thigh, or his wounded pride from being sidelined to the passenger seat he was talking about, no one ventured. “Sam?”
Staring down into his brother’s glazed eyes, Dean didn’t say a word. His jaw clenched determinedly, though, and Bobby heard him as if he had spoken aloud. He’ll live.
~*~*~*~
As the nerve-wracking, helpless hours passed, Sam’s body turned weaker and weaker. His grasp on Dean’s jacket and ultimately life loosening by every passing mile.
“Ya know,” Dean continued his endless string of nervous conversation. “When you were five-years-old you asked for a little sister.”
Sam’s breaths were coming rough and far between now, but his eyes remained fixed on the man that held him—on the man that had been holding him up since he was six months old.
“You never said why, so I just assumed it was so you’d have someone to play Barbies with.”
Shallow dimples and another unchecked tear slid free. “Well you…wouldn’t let me…play with…yours.”
Dean made a ‘haha’ face, but then found himself swallowing hard when tears unexpectedly threatened to spill from his own eyes. The hobyah may have turned Sam into a child, but Sam was turning him into a freakin’ girl. “Bitch.”
Instead of his customary response, Sam’s grin wavered. “Dean...”
“Sam,” he warned him off, looking away. Shaking his head, he fought to keep the tears at bay. Jeezus. They weren’t doing this. They weren’t.
Sam’s eyes were wet now, not just with pain, but with understanding. Forcing trembling lips upwards, from the bottom of his failing heart, he choked, “Jerk.” It was one word. One single broken word…but it spoke a million.
Tears falling, Dean closed his eyes.
And Sam stopped breathing.
~*~*~*~
Dazedly, he stared out the back window of the Impala and into the darkness. He searched for reason. He searched for the hope that kept riding in and out on the waves. He searched for the caves that he knew were miles away yet.
Sam had started breathing again before Dean could completely lose it, but he had been too exhausted to stay conscious. That was over an hour ago.
With a hand resting lightly on the small chest, Dean guarded his brother’s breathing and willed the Impala to go faster. He knew, though, that Missouri was already giving it all she had…and them some. Still, he feared, it wouldn’t be enough.
“Will you r-read it…to me?”
Confusion overriding his relief, Dean looked down with a creased brow. “Sam…what?”
“Read it…to me?” He was asked again.
Still not understanding, Dean began to shake his head. Until realization hit. Hard. His shoulders and heart immediately felt infinitely heavier. “Sammy?” He sounded just as bad as Sam. Looking up, he caught Missouri’s eyes in the review mirror.
“The veil between their consciousnesses is too thin, baby. Sammy can’t fall back any further. It’s all up to Sam now.”
And Sam apparently was too tired to push forward right now. But he was still in there. Otherwise the spell would be complete and Sammy wouldn’t be struggling just as hard to breathe.
He was still in there.
Looking down into the face of the unselfish child—his brother, Dean was at a loss for words. They were, in a way, taking him to his death if all went according to plan.
Jeezus…
“Read it…to me?” Sammy asked again, eyes so innocent and pleading as he fought to keep them open. It was likely his last request and he probably didn’t even realize it. Or maybe he did.
Throat tight, chest tighter, Dean nodded. But he didn’t need the book.
“In the great green room there was a telephone…”
~*~*~*~
The closer they got to the caves, the harder the storm rocked the Impala and consequently them inside, but Dean kept reciting while images from the past week echoed throughout his heart and mind…
// “She’s a lion and I tamed her.” //
// “Alalalalalalalalalalalalala!” //
Swallowing, he didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to speak past the growing lump in his throat. “Goodnight, noises…”
// “Squeaky is clean.” //
// “When you died, it hurt here.” A tiny hand fluttered between their chests. //
“Goodnight, Cubby,” he continued thickly, his thumb shakingly caressing Sammy’s temple as the boy struggled to breathe.
// “Will you lay with me, daddy?” //
“Goodnight, Dad,” his voice shook as a tear fell from closing eyes.
// “Did you die again?” //
“Goodnight…Dean.”
Dean could have sworn the words drew blood as he whispered them back with a finality he could hardly bear, “Goodnight, Sammy.”
// “Almost.” //
The car was silent. No one spoke. No one breathed. Not even Sam.
For a long numb moment Dean just stared at his brother, shaking and wondering what all he had just lost. Finally, he slid his hand under Sam’s neck and lifted him up slightly. This wasn’t over yet. It couldn’t be.
It couldn’t be.
“Sam,” he choked, then swallowing said more forcefully when he was offered no response, “Sam.”
The Impala lurched to a stop with Missouri announcing, “We’re here!” and panicked, Dean shook his brother. “Sam!”
The small chest heaved and long lashes fluttered. Then Sam’s harsh breathing continued as if it had never stopped. Dean let out a breath of his own and looking up, found two pair of watery eyes staring back. “Let’s do this.”
~*~*~*~
Being injured and unable to move as quickly as Dean—despite his own injuries, it was decided by the older brother that Bobby would stay with Sam while Missouri and Dean cast a spell to clear the caves and surrounding area of all spirits. Temporarily, Missouri clarified. The spell she had wouldn’t vanquish them for good. Much to Dean’s disappointment.
In the front seat, Bobby held the sleeping boy in his lap. His breathing needed monitoring and whether Sam liked it or not, his body craved warmth. Bobby had plenty to give.
He couldn’t remember a time…ever, that Dean had left his brother in his hands.
It was humbling, but also spoke of the older boy’s desperation.
Speaking of desperation; Bobby’s gaze wandered down to Sam’s bandaged arm. The jacket concealed the damage, but would never be able to erase the horror of seeing the kid limp and bleeding in his brother’s arms. Nor could it ease the gut churning worry of what Sam might have done.
Dean had sold his soul for just one more year with his brother. What had Sam waged to keep him from going to hell?
Sam took that moment to open his eyes and Bobby saw him instinctively search for his older half. “He’s helpin’ Missouri,” he reassured. “He’ll be back in a flash, kid.”
Sam’s eyes drooped closed and Bobby figured he fell back to sleep when he asked through struggling breaths, “He…okay?”
These boys…
“He’ll be better once you’re the sasquatch in the family again,” he answered truthfully.
Another long moment passed before Sam’s bleary eyes opened and studied him. “You?”
Bobby’s heart soared at being included on the checklist. “That goes for me too, kiddo,” he replied thickly.
Instead of a grin…even a weak one, an ever present tear slowly slid down Sam’s nose. The kid looked like he was in a world of pain. “Aw, kiddo…”
“B-Bobby…if…”
“Don’t even go there, boy,” the older hunter immediately warned. “This’ll work. And if it don’t, that brother of yours will find another way.” Something in Sam’s eyes, though, was telling him that his doubt lie not with Dean, but within himself.
“H-he’ll need someone…” Sam continued breathlessly anyway, “Someone that’ll…”
It was more than Bobby could bear. “Boy,” Tears blurring his vision, the most guarded places of his heart shattered. “I’m not gonna tell you again. If there’s one thing I learned about you two idgits, it’s that you don’t know how to give up. Especially when it comes to each other.”
Hazel full of unimaginable exhaustion and pain locked with Bobby’s determinedly. “Promise,” he rasped, not letting the subject drop and summoning a strength Bobby hadn’t seen from him since the last time he fought for his brother.
He wanted to tell him no. He wanted to deny him the peace of mind so he couldn’t move on. So he wouldn’t give up. He’d just know he was lying though. “Damnit, boy,” Bringing the impossibly small giant of a man up against him, Bobby pressed his cheek against the mussed hair. It hadn’t been a hard promise to make to Dean either. He already loved both boys as if they were his own and he’d look after them just the same. Always. Closing his eyes, he whispered brokenly, “I promise.”
~*~*~*~
The wind was angry. Howling, it blasted them relentlessly from all sides, making it ridiculously hard to set up their ritual. At least it had stopped raining for now, Dean thought, as he finally finished up his part of the temporary vanquishing spell. A bright white light cut through the horizon announcing its completion and success.
Turning to find Missouri, he saw her carving something in the ground. Whispering, she then lit a match—which surprisingly and maybe magically stayed lit and let it fall to the earth.
“What was that?” Dean asked.
“A helping hand,” she drawled enigmatically, standing. She didn’t elaborate further and at this point, Dean didn’t really care. He hurried to get Sam.
~*~*~*~
Finally, finally walking through the cave’s entrance, memories from the last time they were there bombarded Dean’s mind. It was only a week ago. One. And he swore he could still hear the shotgun blasts echoing faintly off the cave walls. Sam had been kicking and struggling against him then—demanding to be put down as he ran them to safety. Now…Sam hung limp from his arms, lips blue, barely breathing, barely alive as Dean carried him to what they hoped would be a tomorrow.
It didn’t take long to get back to the spot where Sam had been changed, especially since they didn’t have to fight their way in.
Everyone already knew their tasks, thanks to Missouri, and quickly got to them. Kneeling on the ground with Sam in his lap, Dean carefully stripped off the leather jacket and “Princess” shirt to draw a few symbols on the small torso with a paste the psychic had concocted. Unlike before with the protection symbol, Sam didn’t seem to notice this time, or maybe he just didn’t have the strength to care. He just laid there compliant, listless...and tearing holes in Dean’s heart.
When he was finished, he dressed Sam back into the pants they had left in their mad dash to safety. He doubted his Osh-Kosh would fit once they were through. He hoped they wouldn’t.
Candle light and flashlights lit the small cavern as Bobby and Missouri quickly worked on finishing their own tasks. Their quiet murmurs washed over Dean as he sat on the floor holding his downsized, shirtless little brother against him. This was it. The week of Fruit Loops, ridiculous shirts, taming lions, princess cries and story books was coming to a dangerous and desperate end with Sam once again swamped in his own clothes. Who would have thought that something so innocent, would have turned into something so deadly.
Unresponsive in Dean’s lap, a single painful breath every few seconds was all that tethered them to hope now…was all that tethered them to tomorrow. “Come on, Sam,” Dean brushed limp, wet bangs aside tenderly. “We’re almost ready. You just gotta hang on a little while longer, okay?”
He brought his hand down and cupped the side of Sam’s pale face. “Sam?” he rubbed his thumb across the fevered flesh, suddenly needing to see those eyes. Suddenly fearing he wouldn’t again. “Sam, can you hear me?”
“Here,” Missouri startled him, “place him in the center.”
Looking up he saw that she had carved a large circle into the rust colored clay. His eyes shot to hers. The symbols in the circle were the same ones he had caught Sammy drawing throughout the week. Dean had never seen anything like them before. He just thought they were squiggly nonsense.
He should have known better.
Bobby tensed and Dean followed suit. “What?”
“We need a willin’ spirit,” he said grimly, eyes meeting.
“Wha…?” Dean breathed, heart and hopes plummeting. He had completely forgotten. “Well we just Zelda Rubinstein’d the entire county, how the…?”
“Dean.”
Hugging Sam closer, Dean’s heart quickened. Slowly he turned and looked up. Tears in his eyes, it was he that could hardly breathe now. “Dad.”
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Date: 30 Mar 2010 06:25 pm (UTC)I'm sitting here crying my eyes out. You rip my heart out every time and I love every single second of it.
Thank you so much for continuing on with this.
*hugs you very hard*
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Date: 30 Mar 2010 06:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 30 Mar 2010 07:10 pm (UTC)I lost it when Bobby was holding little Sammy
thank you
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Date: 30 Mar 2010 07:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 30 Mar 2010 07:10 pm (UTC)Thank you so much for the up-date !!
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Date: 30 Mar 2010 07:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 31 Mar 2010 08:41 am (UTC)Very well written and enjoyable. Can't wait for the next update :D
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Date: 31 Mar 2010 12:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 31 Mar 2010 09:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 31 Mar 2010 12:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 31 Mar 2010 01:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 1 Apr 2010 12:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 31 Mar 2010 11:05 pm (UTC)So heartbreaking, but gorgeous. Love the idea that John will be the spirit.
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Date: 1 Apr 2010 12:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 1 Apr 2010 03:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 1 Apr 2010 03:12 am (UTC)Anywho, fantastic job and really well written. Admittedly, I assumed it was a crack!fic and then you whammied me with a tearjerker. <3
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Date: 1 Apr 2010 12:53 pm (UTC)I don't think there will be anymore tissue warnings. lol ...though, crap. I think I forgot to put it on this chapter anyway! Woop!
Thank you so much again!
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Date: 1 Apr 2010 12:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 1 Apr 2010 08:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 1 Apr 2010 01:01 pm (UTC)Yeah, the boys have just been breaking our hearts the past couple of seasons. I think/hope they're finally starting to get back on the right path now though.
"Please break me with a new chapter soon."
*laughs*
Thank you so much again!
Chapter 11
Date: 23 Apr 2010 06:01 pm (UTC)Danielle
Re: Chapter 11
Date: 24 Apr 2010 01:37 am (UTC)I need closure. :-( new chap soon??
Date: 3 Sep 2010 02:27 am (UTC)Thanks for you hard work!
Re: I need closure. :-( new chap soon??
Date: 3 Sep 2010 03:02 am (UTC)Thank you so much!