SPN Fic: Rise of the Phoenix

[dragonfly11]

This is sort of a tag to 5x22. Totally and completely unbeta'd.

Title: Rise of the Phoenix
Author: dragonfly
Genre: Angst, drama, h/c, 5x22 tag
Summary: He cries out every night for him. For his brother. Every single night.
A/N: This first section is from Lisa's pov, however it's truly about Sam and Dean.
Thank you sid and Lynne for your support! *huggles*

~*~

He tries to hide it. But I know.

It’s been four months since I opened my door to a broken man. Four months since he cried in my arms and clung to me as if he might just die if he didn’t. Four months of haunted stares and trembling hands. He never told me what had happened. He never told me what had brought him to my door a shadow of the man I remembered. He’d only say that, “Sammy did it,” when I’d ask and both pride and pain would tear at his features before he’d walk away.

He cries out every night for him. For his brother. Every single night. I can only hold witness as his nightmares take grip. He never responds to me, never wakes from my touch— too lost in a past he can’t change. I asked him once what all happened with Sam…where Sam went, but he only paled and walked out the door. He’s always walking out that door…if only in his mind. I can feel it. I didn’t see him the rest of the night, but I knew where he was—where he always was when not pretending to be whole; digging in the trunk of that Impala, looking at books and pictures. Looking for answers I don’t even know the questions to.

He looks at Ben the same way I do. A gentle smile of wonder and love when he does something that tugs at the heartstrings, but I know it’s not my son he’s seeing. It’s his—in every essences of the word. I remember Dean telling me before that he had practically raised Sam. But I know now that he did much more than that. He lived for him.

He tries to hide it, but I know. It takes a parent that truly thought they had lost their child…to recognize someone that has.

He drinks more, a lot more than he should, but I’m not the one that has lost the purpose of my soul. He never actually appears drunk and he’s great with Ben and me, so I keep quiet for now and pray to God for him to find peace.

I never imagined that he’d actually send it.

PART TWO